If you do this in the cinema, just know I hate you

You know what's guaranteed to ruin a cinematic experience? The guy next to you stuffing his face with popcorn. I'm not talking about the occasional faint rustling of a snack bag or the faint scent of nacho cheese wafting through the air. No, I'm talking about the outright disregard for decency and consideration that comes with eating in the cinema. As someone who's made a career out of sharing inane opinions about films, I've had my fair share of run-ins with cinema etiquette, and I'm here to tell you that eating in the cinema is a hard no.

For Christopher Nolan, the acclaimed director of The Odyssey, the cinema experience is about more than just the film itself. It's about immersing yourself in the sights and sounds of the big screen, and for some, that means eating. But for others, like myself, it's a recipe for disaster. As I sat down to watch The Odyssey at the BFI, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. It wasn't the smell of urine in the walkway or the thought of Matt Damon battling a one-eyed monster that made me anxious, it was the prospect of being surrounded by people eating in the cinema.

Now, I'm not here to begrudge anyone their love of popcorn. If you enjoy the sweet and salty taste of polystyrene, then go ahead and indulge. But for me, it's not about the popcorn itself, it's about the principle. When you eat in the cinema, you're not just eating for yourself; you're eating for everyone around you. And let's be real, most people can't be trusted to eat quietly. They'll munch away, crunching on crisps or slurping down a bag of nachos, completely unaware of the disturbance they're causing. And don't even get me started on the people who think they can eat in a cinema without making a sound. Newsflash: you can't.

I've lost count of how many times I've been told that I'm just being unreasonable, that people can be trusted to eat in the cinema without causing a disturbance. But I'm not being unreasonable, I'm being realistic. When you eat in the cinema, you're taking away from the experience of everyone around you. You're creating a distraction, a noise that can be just as jarring as the sound effects on the big screen. And let's not forget the smell, the pungent aroma of popcorn or hot dogs that can linger long after the credits roll.

So, what's the solution? In my opinion, it's simple: food has no place in the cinema. If you want to eat, go to a restaurant or a pub. If you want to watch a movie, leave your snacks at home. It's not that hard. And to those who say that cinemas rely on concession sales to stay afloat, I say: that's not my problem. I'm not here to subsidize your snacking habits. I'm here to watch a movie, and I want to do it in peace.

**The cinema experience is about more than just the film itself, it's about respecting the people around you.